Most of us who got into marriage believed it would mark the end of all our worries but it was exactly opposite for a larger percentage of us – and every marriage has had its up-and-down moments.
So, if you're not exactly blissful in your marriage, you are not alone. Fortunately, with professional intervention and a desire to make things work, you may not have to be part of the statistic.
After speaking to some couples and marriage counselors, some red signals to heed before you find yourself thinking about divorce are given and they are as listed and explained below:
You feel lonely in your relationship.
When someone doesn't feel like they're seen or heard by their partner, or when they're too busy with the demands of life, a person can start to feel isolated. Loneliness is indicative of major marital woes. It's important to notice this and approach your partner about your feelings.
You're worried about your finances.
Although, money answers all things but love of money (not money) is the root of all evil; in as much as money is important, it is not better that your spouse.
If you're constantly worrying about your next paycheck or finding a better job, it can be very difficult to make time for good, old-fashioned romance.
Studies have shown that married couples with lower-incomes were "more likely to be hurt by stressful life events and mental health problems than the marriages of the more affluent couples." But instead of worrying your head sick over your expendable incomes or needs per season, find ways to tackle your financial issues as a team, rather than letting them come between you.
When sex isn't even important anymore
Nearly 12 percent of marriages are sexless or nearly sexless, according to one survey. Naturally, things will get in the way of sex.
Things such as caring for little kids, late work nights, boredom, health issues or even eating a huge meal but if you're avoiding sex for a prolonged period of time or are turned off by your partner, a deeper issue — like a lack of emotional intimacy or romance — might be at play.
You don't enjoy spending time with your partner.
This is a dangerous one. At a point in my life, I dont even feel like returning home to my wife and when I get home, I just want to be somewhere by myself, alone.
Enjoying leisure-time with other people more than your partner is disastrous; if you are consistently looking forward to going out with friends or visiting your family — rather than snuggling up on the couch to watch a movie with your spouse, for example — those feelings need to be confronted head-on.
You don't fight anymore.
While it may sound a bit counterintuitive, bickering can be healthy. Nagging can be hygienic. Argument can be lubricating oil that keeps our marriage wheel from getting stuck.
Anything apart from love is hatred and anything outside it is apathy.
Apathy or indifference is the bigger problem. A lack of fighting is a red sign that both of you are not willing to rock the boat of your marriage and it simply means you have given up on your vows.
This brings about a lack of connection and the sense that you are living as roommates and not partners.
You refuse to get help
This might be a blindfold – and it is mostly due to pride. Getting help is important because it will bring about reconciliation, not conflict resolution.
If you or your partner is unwilling to seek help after trying to come up with your own solutions, a split just might be inevitable.
You spend more time on social media
If you are compelled to constantly post about how "amazing" your partner is, there may be something wrong. According to one study, "On a daily basis, when people felt more insecure about their partner's feelings, they tended to make their relationships visible." Next time you post all those pictures, ask yourself if you are trying to convince yourself that nothing is wrong.
This even go to another dimension as some spouses love to ridicule their partners before friends, blabbing it in form of prayer requests or making it a public issue, how they fend for the family or stomach some bitter pills in order to make the marriage work.
You're constantly disappointed
Instead of empowering one another, you spend an awful lot of time nitpicking things, pointing out the other person's flaws or thinking your spouse is incapable of doing anything right. When criticism becomes a norm and you attack each other instead of ironing out your issues, divorce is inevitable.
You've stayed in touch with an ex
If you occasionally talk to ex-lovers or spouses in a flirtatious manner — not just because you've become genuinely platonic friends — there could be a deeper issue at hand. Many people stay in touch with an ex while in a relationship because they want to get back together or want to have extramarital sex. While it may seem easy to justify keeping in touch, your intentions definitely speak to your relationship's health.
You've been unhappy for awhile
When a couple is on the verge of divorce, they don't usually have laughter moment together anymore. That would have been happening for years.
If you find yourself trying to remember when things were happier or more fulfilling, that's a real red flag. It's incredibly difficult come to terms with this realization, but it's better to take action now before letting yourself drift farther into an unhappy marriage.
Unhappiness can easily be overcome by persistent talk and deep discussions of the issues at hand but if it is bottled up for too long, it can result in explosive anger and fight.
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